Protection

One day I’ll learn to knock down bricks
To make space for a door,
For I don’t remember how it feels
To let someone in anymore.

My halls they seem so plentiful,
My love it knows no bounds.
Yet I guard my deepest secrets
In a place that makes no sound.

Few see the sensitive me,
Barely held together.
They only know calm, confident Es
Who still believes in forever.

I’m told that I can be too giving
Of time and my affection
“Protect yourself,” they say with worry
But that is not my lesson.

I’d rather risk failure again and again
Than to never try at all.
Because the best things only show themselves
When you’re not afraid to fall.

Impulsive and brave, she loves the risk
But her mind leads her astray.
To faraway worlds of wonderland
In dreams she’d rather stay.

I met you with a hopeful cheer,
With you I felt at ease.
Your kindness and your warmth it seemed,
Could melt away my fears.

A lakeside walk was all it took
To start this chapter of bliss.
You made me laugh, caressed my cheek
And leaned in for a kiss.

You weren’t my usual type I thought,
My friends said this was best.
In four days you showed yourself
And I lost interest in the rest.

What wasn’t there to like
About a man with British charm?
Relationships were all you knew,
Surely you meant no harm.

In time I felt our connection grow,
Your energy was infectious.
You stayed consistent despite the distance,
It really was quite precious.

But innocence and inexperience
Don’t always go hand in hand.
By chance I ended up the fool,
It wasn’t what I’d planned.

I’m sorry that I ran away,
When reality began to sting.
I never meant to let this happen,
But there’s no reset on this thing.

I hope you’ll find a girl one day
That treats you just as kind.
Who won’t want you to sift through words
While telling you she’s fine.

You popped into my head last Sunday
As I snorkelled through seagrass.
I lost the group through panicked breath,
Scared it would be my last.

In that moment I heard your voice.
It made me think of how
You comforted me once as a stranger.
And continue to calm me now.

These days I wonder,
What is ‘type’ other than
Boxing yourself into a black hole
Of repeated mistakes?