Calm

Sometimes, things happen when you least expect and a fresh start comes in the form of a shadow not previously known to you. In that moment, we can choose to cling to the familiar past, or let go of our inhibitions entirely. This week, I met a man who reminded me that there were other people, good people worth being curious about. I sometimes find I put too much weight on symbols, wanting them to be coincidences that I can reason into the stars being aligned.

I thought that the eighth person I was with would be the last, because I wanted it to be. If Nate wasn’t to be the one, then I was damned sure my next choice would be. But meaning tends only to be apparent in retrospect, unless it is assigned, at which point it was probably willed. And that is way too much pressure to put on ourselves and others if we are so hardened by our vision that we aren’t open to the process.

I think about why I am so drawn to 18 July, or my licence, or my number plate. At the end of the day, they’re all just characters on a page, dates on a calendar. I know what I’m ultimately looking for and that won’t change. But I’m reminded that I can also be curious about people I cross paths with and just let things flow naturally without thinking too much about the future.

Being with Ryan this past week has really helped to rebalance my way of thinking. There are plenty of wonderful people out there, and some that you will connect with more than others. But it’s important to respect and appreciate everyone’s uniqueness. Do not let comparison be the death of joy. We are not looking to recapture previous experiences, so let them stay as fond memories of a time that was. Be in the moment with whatever you do, and just have fun.

I know I have. And it’s thanks to my unexpectedly sweet, one week fling with a kind gentleman from England.