Support Networks

When the people around you are crumbling and you’re the only one left standing strong, what can you do to support them without taking on the weight of their problems? You can show empathy and listen. Empathy is an incredible gift that only grows the more you give it to others. For the longest time I believed that people’s mental health struggles were self-imposed and therefore repairable with a simple attitude change or endorphin rush. I didn’t see the impact of my insensitivity on others, as I genuinely believed that depression was the construct of a weak mind.

I’ve learned a lot since.

Whilst we are ultimately responsible for our own happiness, sometimes a little help is needed for us to get back on our feet at times when we feel lost or defeated. And if during this time the people who are meant to care about us are avoidant or dismissive, it can lead to devastating consequences. Humans are social creatures and it is paramount for us to have a strong support network in order to thrive. It makes a world of difference to know that no matter what happens, your falls will always be cushioned by the love of your family and friends.

As I grow older, I realise how much I prefer of one-on-one catch ups to large group events. In the former, you really get to know a person intimately through their stories which allows for a deeper appreciation of who they are. I know the value of belonging and how much it can shape one’s sense of self and hence, have always made every effort to ensure everyone feels included and welcome. But trying to join an existing group with shared histories that you can’t ever begin to entertain is another challenge altogether. Sometimes these people inadvertently form cliques and don’t realise how isolating it is for a newcomer to be part of the group by invitation, but never by feel.

It is an incredibly challenging situation to navigate, and the mere thought of social displacement is all very new to me. How paradoxical it is to be so sure of yourself as a person and yet seek validation from a new group that you are worthy of their friendship. The formation of a real relationship requires significant time investment and this increases exponentially in group situations. So the real question I need to ask myself is whether I am committed to trying long-term. In any case, this has made me even more grateful and appreciative of the friends I have back in Sydney. My heart will always be filled with the warmth of our memories together and that gives me the strength to look bravely towards the future.